Losing Myself and taking five steps back (aka my introduction to mindfulness)

        I sat staring at the keyboard, thinking about how to string my thoughts. Within five minutes my younger one came asking for her lollipop, followed by her older sister defending her rights on the lollipop. The train of thoughts that barely started came to a screeching halt. So I took a deep breath and focused on the calm that ensued.

         Life was not like this a few years ago when I did not have kids. I had all the time in the world and what did I choose to do with it? Nothing exciting as far as I could recall. Except, sleeping in on my days off and spending time with friends, taking short impromptu trips to see them. I always felt like I had so much time yet never enough to finish the things I needed to. My world revolved around thinking about what I wanted to do while trying to catch up with what I had to do.

      But then, my plans changed. 

      Soon after my older one was born I had to travel abroad with her alone to sort out visa issues.

      I was stuck at a point in my life where I could plan little else besides my day to day activities. Everything revolved around this tiny precious little human being. Days melted into weeks that merged into months. Time was moving fast but I was not able to dwell in it much longer.

      That was when I realized that we are often so hung up on things that do not really matter in the long term. For instance, I thought that if I ever had to live without any of the ten most sought after baby items that were part of my registry, there would be major chaos. Yet, I did not have any of those with me when I was abroad and we survived. In fact, I found that living more simply and purposefully with less clutter helped me keep a more clear mind. I learned to appreciate my time more. That was the time I stumbled upon mindfulness.

        Mindfulness is a fairly established practice of acknowledging the here and now.The focus of being mindful is to dwell more in the present and appreciate what you have that already brings you happiness. After all, everything we do in this material world stems from the need to be happy.          Mindfulness leads to gratitude and that is a stepping stone to being happy. It leads to more feelings of positivity and even to improved physical well being.

 

          There are various ways in which you may incorporate mindfulness into your life. I have found five steps that help me prioritize and be in the moment. This is especially true for parenting.

Step one- Acknowledge the situation

       Acknowledge that you are facing a situation that is making you feel like you do not have control. It could be a stressful situation with work or a toddler meltdown. The important thing is to stop your brain from playing all kinds of what-if scenarios and focus on you where you are.

Step two-Stop and breathe

       Take a deep breath and just focus on your breath going in and out. Think about how your body feels and what emotions you are experiencing. review your existing day and see what is in your actual list, review the steps involved and consider how you could eliminate some of the chores

Step three-Acknowledge the emotions

        Acknowledge your emotions. If you are stressed, or frustrated, name your emotion and link to the current situation with specifics (i.e. I am feeling frustrated because my kid is not listening to me) Do not try to justify those feelings, just accept them by acknowledging them.

Step four-Reflect on the situation

        Now reflect on the situation in a non-reactionary way. Ask yourself what would be some simple strategies that can help you resolve the situation. (Maybe your kid is hungry or he needs a nap or he just needs a few moments to express himself)

Step five-Implement

        It is time now to implement that strategy to help that situation. This will help you acknowledge your feelings at the moment and be mindful of them instead of being reactionary.

        Being mindful helped me get my mind off the unpredictability at that stage in my life. But it evolved into pondering over other aspects of my life too. Parenting is really hard and needs a lot of patience. It also brings out parts of your own personality that you may not be aware of. So it became even more important to take a break and be mindful of my own thoughts.

        So now that I have shared my method, what are some ways in which you will practice mindfulness? Let me know in the comments below.

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