Why you need to deal with emotions

Read this in: اردو (Urdu)

As humans, emotions are ubiquitous in our life. They link us to our environment. Our environmental stimuli can often lead us to experience one or even more than one emotion at a time. These often guide our thoughts and behavior, often in ways, we may not notice right away.
For instance, fear makes it less likely for you to take a risk, joy and anger tend to boost the tendency to take action. If you have seen the movie ‘Inside out’, this may sound familiar.

If you want to listen to the post in Urdu, click play below:

You might have come across the term Emotional Intelligence (EQ for short) used to describe the ability to identify and manage your own emotions.

Honesty time

Trying to figure out what your kids need all the time can be so overwhelming as a parent.

How often have you uttered this phrase in the past year to your kids, ” don’t bug me, go do something else!” or “what is wrong with you? or “stop crying””
(Raises hand)

The bitter truth

This year has been tough. I know we all have so much stuff to do, laundry to fold, dishes to do, and the endless to-do list of a million other things. But my question is, when your kids are going through their emotions, what is your default response? How do you react? How do you think they will react when they are in a similar situation?

There is a plethora of research to say that how we as parents display our emotions gets copied by our children. Hence we can shape their emotional intelligence.

The truth is that most of us growing up have had our emotions dealt with in a similar manner. Parents back then did not have the same tools and know-how that we have come to depend on now thanks to the internet.
But this means that you have the tools to equip yourself to deal with emotions. This way, you will also help your family communicate emotions better and hence raise your collective emotional intelligence.

Communication is key

I noticed a recent incident when I was getting frustrated. My two-year-old noticed that, came up to me and said “why you sad mommy?” I melted.

I have come to realize that you have to start with yourself. Being mindful teaches exactly that.

Start with yourself

Mindfulness helps us acknowledge that we are present in this moment. But the next step is to acknowledge your emotions. I wrote a post earlier about mindfulness as a parent. You can read it here

As a parent, notice when you say things that make your kids stop talking. That shuts down communication and the opportunity to learn. Instead, stop yourself and ask yourself to name your own emotions. It also helps us calm down and take a moment to put in words what we are feeling. We can then start thinking about how our actions are resulting in those emotions

Guiding our children

Our children are also very stressed with all the social restrictions in place. They need us to guide them, help them understand what they are feeling and what they can do about it.

What is social-emotional development

Recognizing and dealing with emotions is a part of social-emotional development. A lot of that happens when they see us interacting with others and in a classroom setting. But that is hard with the current restrictions.

Social-emotional development allows them to build resilience. Their observations help them develop coping strategies.

Here is an example in action.:

• Your kid starts crying when something unexpected happens.
• You can try to guide them in this situation by asking them to name their emotion.
• This way they will have to think about it and once they tell you, you can ask them what can they do about that?
• You can then give them a few options which can be acceptable ways to deal with those feelings.

Instead of getting angry and throwing a tantrum, it helps them see and name their emotion (anger). Once they identify that, they can do something about it (take 5 deep breaths or count to 10). This directs them to a better coping mechanism than throwing things or screaming.
I have tried the above strategy several times with my older daughter. It is a very simple method to put into practice and takes no tools except knowledge.

A fun activity to practice naming emotions

There are as many as 27 different emotions but I will focus on six universal ones, happiness, sadness, disgust, fear, surprise and anger.

When we take the time to tell them what their emotions are called, they will begin to recognize what is the feeling they are going through. This in turn will reassure them that this is normal and they can express what they are feeling in words.

Helping kids identify various emotions

I am going to show how this activity can be used to identify them.

I have been inspired to do this after another mom pointed out what she did with her kids on Instagram. Of course, it would not be complete without my Urdu flair.

Name your emotions Puppets

This sounds like a very preschool-level activity, but you can still use this as a learning activity to engage your kids. You need:
-popsicle sticks
-paper plates or plain paper and a round object to trace and cut
-scissors
-glue or tape
-our free template from the resource library plus a marker to draw your own faces or even use googly eyes

How to make them:

First, cut out the circle shapes from a piece of paper.

Then draw corresponding features as shown in the template.

Then cut and paste the name of the emotions from the template. They could also try to write them by copying the Urdu name of each emotion.

Stick them to a popsicle stick and keep these in a prominent spot.

You can use them when you ask your kids to name their emotion.

You can also use a clothespin or paperclip to pin their emotion on the second page.

How to use them:

There are three key steps to developing emotional intelligence and you can see them in action using the strategy below.

• Ask them to use statements that start with “I feel ……..” so they can start communicating about what they are feeling. The puppets can help them connect the face with the feeling
• For more extreme emotions we have to think about logically connecting their emotions with their brain. The right side is the more emotional part of the brain and the left side is the logical one. When you show empathy and acknowledge their feeling, they start getting calm, and then you can ask them to tell you what made them feel that way. Then you engage the left side by using logic to guide their story and investigate.
• When they are calm, you can explain to them that feelings come one go, they are like waves. You cannot control what feelings you are experiencing. But you can control your behavior and how to respond to them.
• For older kids, I found that keeping a journal in which they write about their feelings can be therapeutic as well. I have been doing that for a number of years myself and can attest to the benefits

I hope you found this useful to do with your kids. I had so much fun making this activity with my kids.

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Read this in: اردو (Urdu)